Starting a new chapter in my life, one that involves me going back to school. Can't believe after all my years of procrastinating, I'm finally ready to do it!
A depressing, non-progressive job has a lot to do with it. I'm tired of customers who always look down on you simply because you're a waitress. People don't realize how hard that job actually is. And it's draining. Super draining. On every aspect. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, I won't get into that now. Because I'm trying to get out of it. It's my motivation.
I look at my son, so bright and ready for his future. And what kind of mother am I if I'm also not trying to progress towards our future? How can a parent encourage their child towards the future if they're not also doing the same? He's also my motivation. My ultimate motivation. And my husband. How am I to motivate him towards his goals if I'm not doing for same for myself? It's like the pot calling the kettle black.
So I'm doing it. I'm going back to school. No more pussy-footing around it. My 7 years it took to get my B.A. in psych will probably wind up not helping me very much. Years wasted. Not completely wasted obviously, and I know it will help me on some point. Hopefully it'll help me get into the super competitive program that only takes ten students a year and is full-time for two entire years, including summer classes. I am tired of "being" and want to be "doing".
My husband has accused me of not "living in the moment" and "not letting myself by happy". Which he is right, it's hard for me to do. Because I'm not doing what I want to be doing, I'm serving reubens on a daily basis. Which is fine. I like my job for the most part, especially the people I work with. But I don't want to do it forever. I want to look at tiny little babies forever. I want to look at those tiny little fetuses on the screen and give parents hope and reassurance that their baby is growing and healthy. Because I've been there. I've been there after a miscarriage with the tech not seeing anything positive at all. I've been there with my tiny little fetus who was a miracle and continues being a miracle. I want to be able to see, from the other side, that their tiny miracle is doing well. Or not doing well, because sometimes that happens, even if it sucks. But I really want to be able to look, and see, and be able to tell them what they can do from that point forward, even if I can't fix it. I want to make a difference, starting at birth, when they are the most vulnerable.
I guess what I'm saying is that I like to be able to help people, and I love life. And I love looking at life. And I would love to be able to give parents the best news they could hear or be able to give them some advice and knowledge if its not. I love life, what can I say?
Melanie this is awesome on so many levels. First - you are so right that people don't respect waitstaff the way they should, which frustrates the heck out of me. For whatever it's worth, I thought you were an awesome waitress when we were there. Also - I'm excited for you to be going back to school - good luck!!! You're going to be an awesome prenatal person (or really, whatever you decide to do). :)
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